Tuesday, October 21, 2014

All Things Lovely: Treating Myself as a Precious Object

This world is a lovely place. Can you imagine describing it to someone or something that has never been here? Can you imagine sitting in a space vessel prepping them to see our world? What would you say? Would you describe social aspects? Inventions/Technology? Politics? Loneliness? Morons? How do you see the world? What makes you see it that way? Could it possibly be beautiful? And if you already see its beauty, could you possibly see it even lovelier? If you know it's beautiful, do you take moments to acknowledge how simply gracious it is?

Something The Artist's Way has helped me with is allowing myself to take in what is lovely (#FirstWorldProblems). This wasn't completely foreign to me. I saw the Earth's beauty. I acknowledged it was there. But I can't say that I allowed it for myself.

Why didn't I? It was created for me. I had always been taught it was created for me. I believed it was created for me. How had I forgotten to allow lovely things for myself?

Self-nurturing time with Carol Tuttle
and some lovelies in a fort.
Indeed, a mantra The Artist's Way advises to its students is, "Treating myself as a precious object will make me strong" (126). But wait. Isn't life supposed to be difficult? Aren't we supposed to endure trials and hardships so we may be strong? Isn't strength something that must be earned?! Surely, it can't be a handout to those who baby themselves. It's not that simple. We're grownups. We're adults. We make the world and we say life isn't easy. And yet, "Suffer little children to come unto me...for such is the kingdom of God" (Luke 18:16). If we are building God's kingdom on Earth and living as He directs under His wisdom, would He really want us to be hard on ourselves? If we are to be kind to others and serve them and we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, then shouldn't we be kind to ourselves and love ourselves, too? Are we guilty of neglecting ourselves? The Artist's Way creator Julia Cameron shares, "Blocked creatives are often the Cinderellas of the world...Keep Cinderella but focus on giving yourself the glass slipper" (111).

There is strength in gentleness. It is in soft gentleness that we hear ourselves, that we tune in to the still small voice. There is strength in taking a moment and doing lovely things for yourself. There is strength in being kind to yourself.

No student can pass through The Artist's Way without facing this time and again. No matter what we perceive about ourselves or what we think we deserve, there is enough loveliness for us. There is enough love for us. There is enough money, opportunities, place, friends. If we are true believers of an Almighty, why would we limit His power? That power is not a pool that is being drained.

As Julia puts it: "Looking at God's creation, it is pretty clear that the creator itself did not know when to stop. There is not one pink flower, or even fifty pink flowers, but hundreds...The creator looks suspiciously like someone who just might send us support" (107).
Flowers I picked for pressing

When my sister left me in California on my own three months ago, I wasn't sure what to expect. Admittedly, I had never lived by myself but always with family or roommates and faring on my own for even a few nights had been difficult in the past due to youthful anxieties. However, I found it easier than I thought. And being a social creature, I couldn't decide whether to view the move as solitary confinement or a spiritual retreat.

True, I had my ups and downs. I was not used to being completely alone, but the time was good to fully embark on the journey The Artist's Way intended. I could emotionally break down (many times). I could make creative "whoopsies" without fearing judgment or teasing from others on the quality. I could express and uncover what needed to come out and what needed to surface. I could regurgitate those things I had hidden. After all, feelings buried alive never die.

But what I found most striking and most pleasant about my experience was the loveliness. Everything was lovely. I was allowed all things lovely if I desired. I could bring in flowers from outside. I could smell or talk to them whenever I wanted, whenever I needed. I could even press the flowers. I could collect rocks. I could fill the house with a wonderful smell (MainStay Caribbean Retreat candle). I could comfort myself with favorite childhood treats (croissants). I could bake something (brownies). I could savor a sacred space (the library and church). I could wear my favorite clothes for no special occasion. I could buy a wonderfully comforting, self-loving something (a swimsuit). I could go for a brisk walk (where I find bunnies, jackrabbits, and hummingbirds!). Through any of this, I could surround myself with lovely music. I could give myself whatever extravagance felt necessary, especially as I gained greater ability to listen to myself via morning pages, artist dates, and faith.

Some of the flowers pressed
Now, I know these aren't expensive things, as we often associate with the term extravagant. They are simple. They are simple joys in life. They are activities prescribed in The Artist's Way tasks. And yet, I wasn't allowing myself them before. Why not? I would view them and think they'd be lovely to have but wouldn't take the simple act of acquiring them in that moment. Would that be so shameful? Am I so much a "grownup" that I can't pick flowers?

In giving yourself something lovely, Julia mentions, "This is extravagant but so is God...[Treat] your artist to small bribes and beauties. Remember, you are the cheapskate, not God...It is critical that we pamper ourselves for the sense of abundance it brings to us" (108).

Truth be told, I love flowers! Of all the things to feel truly pampered with, flowers do it for me. I believe it is the companionship of something lovely that lifts my spirits. I found this to be critical for myself, much more than I thought would be. It came as a surprise, though knowing myself, I know it shouldn't be.

Another surprise was that I grew fond of doodling and craft work. This, though, was a complete surprise! For one task, I was to listen to half an album of music and doodle whatever I heard in the music. I found this freeing and incredible as an experience. I never had been into drawing and often felt that if there was anything I never could see myself do, it was that. So, I didn't allow it of myself. My current doodles are far from what most would consider 'professional,' but that's okay. I found that as I trusted my internal insights, it was not as horrible as I thought it once was.

A task in the first week asked for a list of imaginary lives and then to try to implement bits of those into my current life. I have thought that if I weren't doing anything artistic I would want to be a Kindergarten teacher. So, for my first 8 artist dates, I listened to lovely music and made a progress poster for myself (pictured in the previous post). As fulfilling as it was, I could see myself trying more crafty things, especially for artist dates.

One of my favorite lovely songs to listen to whilst doing other creative activities

I think through life we sometimes forget the simple but lovely things, or at least forget to make time for them, even a quick moment. They are fulfilling and renewing. They mean something. I hope that as you think of this life you remember what loveliness there is in this world and that you fill your life with all things lovely. Yes, sometimes life does get clouded, but a lovely allowance is worth it and rejuvenating.

Through my ninth week of The Artist's Way, I was full-on in progressively discovering and living the loveliness I had been allowing so generously. I had established lovely things for myself. But through the natural course of life, things shifted when duty called in Utah...

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