Overcoming Fallacy #1: "No One I'd Want Would Want Me;" Our Beliefs Create Our Experiences

Do you have those moments when you realize deep beliefs you held on to were utter lies? It shakes your world, as your reality is called into question. Why shouldn't it, when it is our beliefs that create our perception on reality? Change your beliefs and you change your reality.

Still, that moment of recognition comes with its sting, as the old you dies and a new you is born.

An excerpt from Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle

Since my tween years, I believed that no one whom I would want would want me back. This was mostly romantically-speaking, but overran to other relationships. I had actually been verbally telling myself this for years, knowing how wrong it possibly was but mostly believing it all the same.

As a result, I never pursued anyone or stuck my neck into the dating world, though I didn't really have to when those I desired to go after (and then some -- well, many others -- actually, it was more like a constant stream...) were already attempting to pursue me. I didn't realize it at the time, but I see that I did things (even odd things) to ruin and mess up the situations that were often date-y -ish, but not. (You modern daters know what gray area I'm talking about; where you spend so much time together and know so much about each other you might as well have been "dating"). I ruined them because I had a deep belief it would be "too good to be true" or that I didn't deserve to be a part of that -- self-sabotaging fears. So, I never reached out to seriously or formally date anyone, but when people tried or proposed that with me, I ran for the hills.

Nearly two years ago, I was living in my parents' home immediately after graduating college and after having endured an incredibly emotional, busy year (which included the deaths of both my elderly grandmothers and the suicide of my dearest friend; I was in rough, delicate shape -- perfect for awakenings).

I had some time now to step back and analyze where I was at and where I had come from. What broke for me was reviewing the signs (and they were right there, in my face, plain as can be, forward signs) and realizing that EVERYONE I had ever wanted to honestly try was also interested in me and willing to give me a chance back. It was all a lie! My belief was a complete LIE!

'I wanted you like you wanted me / And now we'll never know'

I felt this realization's immediate impact, but didn't realize how deep and hard-hitting it was until, for two weeks, I couldn't find the strength or motivation to work out. Even if I'd already started a session, I'd end up in a state of collapse from emotional shock. My entire life could have been different. I could have been with who knows who, in who knows where, pursuing who knows what. Even if I hadn't ended up with someone, those associations would have shaped my life differently.

I searched, found the root of this surfaced issue, which was very personal (and which I won't share today), and dealt with it.

A few months later, a close friend shared with me the book Remembering Wholeness by Carol Tuttle. She felt I would appreciate its sweet, but powerful, message. She was right. The book's central purpose is to teach how our life experience is completely in our hands, to be co-created with God, and our perception of reality is shaped by our beliefs. God will support us in manifesting, or allow us to manifest, whatever life experience we desire, even the negative ones. We will attract them to ourselves, as well as set events in order for us to experience what we truly (even hiddenly) desire. Whether we realize it or not, this law is always in effect. Our beliefs create our experiences. It is our job to discover what we believe, why we believe it, and then address whatever is out of alignment. It is our own responsibility.

This resonated within me as something I had always understood and wanted to believe, but could never formulate how it worked. Carol's book communicated and reached me in loving ways that other sources hadn't. It never seemed right to me that the world should generally be a happenstance series of (unfortunate) events. If life was hard, it was because we (humans) made it that way. "Life's not fair" because we don't make it "fair," or see it as "fair." I realized why the self-pity of "victims of life" had always bothered me, even when I was right there with them. That is not to say that moments of grief are not necessary, at times. I believe grieving can be healthy. It is a natural method of recovery. However, I believe there is a difference in the grieving that leads to healing and the mindset of perpetual self-victimization.

I see now that my period of (love) actualization months earlier, which was catalyzed especially by my dearest friend's passing the year previous, prepared the climate for me to more fully receive this message when it was presented.

Months later, I felt impressed to begin The Artist's Way, which contained central themes that went hand-in-hand with Remembering Wholeness, but with a directly artistic/creative approach. Remembering Wholeness prepared me for The Artist's Way, which, in turn, welcomed an environment to uncover more deep-seeded fallacies pertaining to love...

A great mini-healing session that discusses how beliefs affect love/dating.