Stagnant Utah and the Blue (Green) Hair Fiasco

I hate Utah.

Okay. I don't hate it. I'm just not fond of it. Or, it hates me.. I'm getting ahead of myself.

I'm a mover. I love movement and love lots of change and keeping things going. I wasn't doing that so much in rural Utah and didn't know how to in my stagnant community, where everyone's today is the same as yesterday and everyone's tomorrow will be the same as today. So, moving to California three months ago was great! I started The Artist's Way and was seeing real changes, incredible changes. I was moving and freeing myself, pumped to keep going.

Found this pretty, hilarious shirt while Utah
shopping. ..Kinda wish I would've gotten it. 

And then...my parents requested I fly back to Utah to drive a truck down in their move to California, as their Utah home was finally selling (I had been tending to their California house). ...This sounded like a punch in the mouth for me. I didn't want to go back. Still, the prospect of an active Saturday traveling was exciting!

And it was! It became my artist date for my ninth week in The Artist's Way. I rode on a train (with sweet, chatty Girl Scouts), a bus, and an airplane. I hadn't flown in thirteen years, which was way too long after airports and airplanes had become a kind second home growing up around the world. What a fun activity! It felt right and tickled me all over just sitting in the airport terminal. When we took off, I felt the exhilarating sink in my tummy of accelerating and leaving the ground. Then, I was served drinks and snacks, as I worked on tasks for The Artist's Way and viewed the beautiful world from thousands of feet off the ground. I felt like I was riding a classy and smooth amusement park ride.

And then, the airline's rear wheels touched down in Salt Lake City, and I recalled Marlin in Finding Nemo realizing the light he's playing with belongs to an anglerfish, "Good feeling's gone..." Not only did I lose the good feeling, but I was angry. And I grew in anxiety, as my thoughts raced with, I don't want to be here. I recalled familiar feelings that I'd been freeing myself from of being as trapped, concealed, and hidden as the majestic Utah mountains did to all its civilized valleys. This led to guilt as my parents happily greeted me and took me to dinner.

All Things Lovely: Treating Myself as a Precious Object

This world is a lovely place. Can you imagine describing it to someone or something that has never been here? Can you imagine sitting in a space vessel prepping them to see our world? What would you say? Would you describe social aspects? Inventions/Technology? Politics? Loneliness? Morons? How do you see the world? What makes you see it that way? Could it possibly be beautiful? And if you already see its beauty, could you possibly see it even lovelier? If you know it's beautiful, do you take moments to acknowledge how simply gracious it is?

Something The Artist's Way has helped me with is allowing myself to take in what is lovely (#FirstWorldProblems). This wasn't completely foreign to me. I saw the Earth's beauty. I acknowledged it was there. But I can't say that I allowed it for myself.

Why didn't I? It was created for me. I had always been taught it was created for me. I believed it was created for me. How had I forgotten to allow lovely things for myself?

Self-nurturing time with Carol Tuttle
and some lovelies in a fort.

Indeed, a mantra The Artist's Way advises to its students is, "Treating myself as a precious object will make me strong" (126). But wait. Isn't life supposed to be difficult? Aren't we supposed to endure trials and hardships so we may be strong? Isn't strength something that must be earned?! Surely, it can't be a handout to those who baby themselves. It's not that simple. We're grownups. We're adults. We make the world and we say life isn't easy. And yet, "Suffer little children to come unto me...for such is the kingdom of God" (Luke 18:16). If we are building God's kingdom on Earth and living as He directs under His wisdom, would He really want us to be hard on ourselves? If we are to be kind to others and serve them and we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, then shouldn't we be kind to ourselves and love ourselves, too? Are we guilty of neglecting ourselves? The Artist's Way creator Julia Cameron shares, "Blocked creatives are often the Cinderellas of the world...Keep Cinderella but focus on giving yourself the glass slipper" (111).

There is strength in gentleness. It is in soft gentleness that we hear ourselves, that we tune in to the still small voice. There is strength in taking a moment and doing lovely things for yourself. There is strength in being kind to yourself.

No student can pass through The Artist's Way without facing this time and again. No matter what we perceive about ourselves or what we think we deserve, there is enough loveliness for us. There is enough love for us. There is enough money, opportunities, place, friends. If we are true believers of an Almighty, why would we limit His power? That power is not a pool that is being drained.

Happy National Coming Out Day! ..Am I Late?

Okay, okay. There's something that I've been going through that I haven't been completely forward about. I've dropped hints, mainly because it's been a big part of my life lately. I haven't always known how open I should be about it, as it is a private, personal journey much of the time, and it is something huge that can affect the rest of my life! However, since much of my outline for this blog will deal with this journey, I think it is probably best to give some background so we are all caught up, particularly with lingo. I feel it is finally time to come out and admit it...

...I am a student of The Artist's Way.

Ha! Some of you thought I was going to admit something else that so many have already supposed. Well, not today, sucka! I'll save that for another time..

The Artist's Way is a spiritually-based creative recovery self-help book structured as a 12-week course. It is written by Julia Cameron, an author-filmmaker-teacher who interestingly was married to film director Martin Scorsese in the 70's, even having a daughter with him. The course gains insights from Julia's own life (like, her alcoholism and drug addiction; she's been sober since 1978), as well as other artists' experiences, to teach creative unblocking in reaching higher, more constant creative potential with emphasis on God, Mind, Vishnu, Universe, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever spiritual electricity has been useful to you.

Arguably, even by Julia, the course is not just for artists. Businesspersons, lawyers, and other professionals have reportedly found help from the course as they have freed themselves from doubts and fears that clogged their system of operation for their profession -- their needed creativity specific to their field. We are all creative beings created by the Great Creator. We have His potential in us and are meant to use it. We are happier, more fulfilled, when we use it. Julia's view is that our creativity is inseparable from our spirituality. I couldn't agree more, having recognized and considered this previously.

God is the Great Creator, the Great Artist. Artists love artists. Why, then, would He not want to support them, despite common fallacies and negative stigma against the artist's well-being? To look to Him is to open yourself up to greater creativity and to trust. It is here that gentle but powerful changes can be expected in one's life. Creating is not to be feared. If we take care of the quantity, God will take care of the quality, even if it is just a stepping stone or breakthrough to something greater.

...Why Am I Even Doing This?

Heaven knows why I'm starting this blog. I seriously must be crazy, as determined in this conversation with my good friend David:

Really, I don't need another hobby. But if you need one and are good at finishing and following through with projects, I have a myriad waiting for you. That said, who knows how often I'll post. It may be as inconsistent as my music blog, Pop Music Mania, but I'll try to keep up in some way. For starters, it would probably help if I'm brief, unlike my other inconsistent but personal blog Adventures of a Flunking Honor Student, which has been dead and closed from my publishing, hence the possible use of this blog.

So, the immediate question, as mentioned in the first sentence, comes down to this: why?
And the immediate answer is this: to express and share.

And to wonder: Am I grown up, yet?