Am I Grown Up, Yet?

I wonder about the emphasis on the seriousness of "growing up." Some say it just means taking responsibility, but even sometimes, that isn't accepted as enough. Often, I feel as if I may have become less responsible as I've gotten older. I feel like the more I actually learn about life, the less I understand. There is so much to understand.

Then again, that suggests an endlessness of beautiful possibility.

But now they only block the sun. They rain and snow on everyone. So many things I would have done, But #clouds got in my way. I've looked at clouds from #bothsidesnow. #JoniMitchell #Utahmountains

A photo posted by Jonathan Inman (@jonathinman) on Mar 24, 2015 at 7:15pm PDT

What I have found striking about the picture above is that while it is paired with sobering lyrics that befit it, those mentioned characteristics of clouds brought with them something of magnificent beauty. So is life. Life is meant to be lived. Chances taken. Risks made. Life, itself, is a gamble. A constant state of growth and change, where the beauty is in the life that is lived, no matter how we're perceived--grown up, matured, or not.

There is value in "childlike" enthusiasm and curiosity, even if others do not always see it, or appreciate it.

Children should not have to grow up,
If they do not desire.
They should join together
To form a soprano choir.

They should create their own
Ever-youthful sports leagues
Or always study living things
With their same gust and intrigue.

They should not have to give away
Toys or things of the play matter
And always be allowed to leave
With veggies still on their platter.

They should cleave to imagination,
As though it is their life source,
For with it they can do anything,
Even pave a safari course.


Funny thing -- growing up --
For some try to do it,
But none, it seems, have been
Able to really prove it.

Mending: Freeing 'All of Me'

"Mend any mending."

This is one of the last tasks of The Artist's Way. Ultimately, it is a lifelong pursuit.

Still, just a week after I finished The Artist's Way, a huge mending occurred in storybook-like ways. A specific period of the past, in which I was emotionally, creatively, other -ly's blocked and locked up, came forward to be released. It troubled me and brought with it great anxiety, as I relived those feelings and that locking up.

As I listened to myself, and to the Spirit, I was guided on an uncanny path to self-discovery and mending. I recorded and explored my mending in my morning pages:

(October 6, 2014) "I took time to doodle it out. First came the wrappings of a gift -- the picture looked like the top of a wrapped gift. ... I was offered a gift -- the entire experience was a gift. I then was told to try to open it like it was a real gift but I couldn't grab the drawn bow. I couldn't open it, and it was frustrating and made me wanna cry. I felt like I wasn't allowed to open the gift, because I wasn't shown how. I crinkled it up and was about to throw it away, but kept it next to me. I, next, drew a worm on a hook bobbing in the water. I was fishing. I realized the gift was to go fishing. I didn't feel I was allowed to go fishing and really experiment. I was just taught methods and asked to bring what I already had. There wasn't too much exploration as to what I could potentially find or become. I don't think I was allowed the time. This was especially true for [Pokey-hontas], who just wanted results. ... I just wanted to play and experiment. ...

Left, worm in water; Right, 'All of Me'

"I drew another picture next to the worm that I realized was an abstract version of me. It showed that my emotional and creative side was huge and running over and my mental and practical side had normal potential but there wasn't much there. Sometimes the spiritual connection between the two was ignored. ... Above them was my connection with God. Anyway, I felt the picture represented all of me. The gift was fishing and finding all of me. I'd hoped for it but wasn't allowed, by myself and others, to really open it, so I put the wrapped gift over the other picture and tore the wrapping paper off, as now I can open that gift. I am free to fish for all of me and be all of me. ... To separate the all of me part from the worm, I folded the paper and it came out looking like an airplane."

The God Jar

A most useful tool The Artist's Way has given me is the God jar. I would recommend it to anyone.

My God jar

In the last week of the course, one task is to find a container to write down and put in any hopes, fears, worries, resentments, and dreams. Then, another task is to use this jar, giving those things to God. There's no need to worry about them anymore. They're in the jar. God's got it.

Interestingly, this concept was something I had been learning to more actively do, just before the start of the course. When concerns became too overwhelming, in prayer, I would literally say, "I give this to thee." In this interesting experience of faith -- energetically releasing and passing on my concerns -- I felt the stress leave my body and my spirit, with a mending power.

Sometimes, it seems silly to hold on to troubling matters, when there is access to such a release. God doesn't want us to be loaded down or fearful. That's the whole point of the Atonement -- to give our burdens to Christ. That is using the Atonement in our lives. Christ already struggled and suffered. We don't have to.

Using the God jar has brought this same power into my life as a ritual with great meaning. As I prepare to offer my written hopes and fears into the jar, I call on God and His angels to be in attendance, that they will be mindful and involved -- that God will take my cares and ease them from my body and spirit, while directing His angels to prepare the way for what I hope and dream for. Then, we commune together -- a team -- as I verbally read each worry and hope, with intent, passing on my burdens with each drop of a slip of paper. I feel their heavenly presence and am lightened from it.

Typically, for a positive spin in writing them down, I've tried to turn any fear or worry into a hope, though sometimes it has felt necessary to write them as the fears and worries they are.

The results are instantaneous. I immediately feel lighter and my body freer.

Honestly, I recommend a God jar (...not to sound like an infomercial, but...). If it sounds like something you may need to try, do it!!! The concept is probably speaking to you! You have my support and won't regret it, as you do it with full intent and remember what healing power it accesses.

I am truly grateful for The Artist's Way and the values it has brought. It has changed my life!

Why I Believe the Book of Mormon is True

Apart from spiritual confirmations, as a writer I believe the Book of Mormon to be a true document and history because its organization is so stupid.

Honestly, no one would write like this if they were making this stuff up, especially not an uneducated laborer younger than me (I'm speaking of Joseph Smith, if you happen to not know of the 19th century man that brought the book forward). I just don't see it. And not in three months, which is how long it took to "translate" the document.

I don't know how many times I've read the Book of Mormon, and I have to confess: being a lifetime member of the church that uses it (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), I only passively paid attention to what I read, while still picking up on a lot of the spiritual nuggets. Nevertheless, I spent this last year reading it and decided to make a conscious effort to understand every bit of it. Plus, I had questions I hoped, in some way, would be answered. Most weren't. That's okay.

Anyway, this time I read the entire book on my Kindle, having recognized some self-distancing and stand-off feelings when I approach the very structured columns in the print version. My Kindle made reading feel less impersonal and rigid. Also, I approached the entire book and characters as something completely foreign to me ("Nephi who?" -- cue acting skills). In the past, having heard the story of Nephi, and several other Book of Mormon stories, a thousand times, I would often tune out, because it felt like old news. These new techniques worked and helped! Soon, I found myself more engrossed than I had ever been before, which sparked me to take notes as I read.

Okay. Enough of how I did this reading.

Most of the book is an abridgment of volumes upon volumes of history concerning the Americas prior to its modern (within the last 1000 years) discovery, compiled by a man named Mormon. His writing takes over after a long discourse and history written by Nephi, who gives the record to his brother Jacob. A few of Jacob's progenitors hop in and add their few cents -- most just saying, "Hi. I existed. I possessed the record...Um, yeah..." Then, Mormon pops in, greets us, and takes us on from there into an abridgment that covers hundreds of years, which is eventually picked up by his son Moroni.

Occasionally, Mormon and Moroni interrupt to add their own comments, each with their own style -- Mormon more short and precise/simple; Moroni more lengthy and deep/bold. However, with the abridgment, Mormon is more detailed in his account, before adding his comments to simply sum up the point of each story. Moroni, on the other hand, is incredibly brief in his storytelling. His portion of abridgment is straight-forward, with a focus on the bottom line. The two men's voices are very different, but it is possible to say that their individual situations (of war) at the time of abridging could've played into their ability and accessibility to write.

Scriptural Rambling: Seeking Righteous Judgments

Recently, I had an interesting understanding that I was reminded of while reading scriptures concerning judging others, that I wanted to share. I'm not directing it at anyone. I just felt like sharing.

Christ speaks about it in The New Testament:

• "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged" (Matthew 7:1-2; see also Luke 6:37).
• "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgments" (John 7:24).
• "Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man. And yet if I judge, my judgment is true" (John 8:15-16).

However, I was reading in The Book of Mormon where Moroni says, "The Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil" (Moroni 7:16). Of course, Moroni is in the middle of discussing how to not be persuaded to take good for evil or evil for good. He is instructing on making righteous judgments -- that is, in a godly moral sense, righteousness/goodness is right, and unrighteousness/wickedness is wrong. "Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God" (Moroni 7:12). "For...my [Christ's] Spirit...persuadeth men to do good. And whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do good is of me; for good cometh of none save it be of me. I am the same that leadeth men to all good" (Ether 4:11-12). "And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is" (Moroni 10:6).

Moroni continues in verse 18 of that 7th chapter: "And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged."

My Artist's Prayer

A task in week four of The Artist's Way is to write our own Artist's Prayer, after being given an example. Here's mine:

O Father in Heaven,
Thou art the Great and Supreme Creator.
All good that is and will be created comes from thy
Loving and Wise hands.
I pray that thou wilt impart thy Power in me and through me.
I will do thy bidding as thou wilt have me do.
I will share thy words, for thy words are true and powerful.
I will give life to the stories thou sendest me --
To give the characters breath of life to be real,
To be Children of thee, no matter how troubled --
That thy purposes may be fulfilled
And thy messages will be given to the world.
I am at thy disposal.
I am thine.
I give myself to thee,
For no one has greater mind of my potential than thee,
My Creator.
Thou hast created me to be here at this time with these gifts.
I give myself to thy purposes
And ask for thy blessing, direction, and guidance
That I may heal and find wholeness --
That I might heal others
And teach and deliver thy messages to them
In person and in Creativity.
I give myself to thee and thy Wisdom
And pray that my work and efforts
Will be worthy of thee
And consecrate worship to thee.

All Things Lovely: Treating Myself as a Precious Object

This world is a lovely place. Can you imagine describing it to someone or something that has never been here? Can you imagine sitting in a space vessel prepping them to see our world? What would you say? Would you describe social aspects? Inventions/Technology? Politics? Loneliness? Morons? How do you see the world? What makes you see it that way? Could it possibly be beautiful? And if you already see its beauty, could you possibly see it even lovelier? If you know it's beautiful, do you take moments to acknowledge how simply gracious it is?

Something The Artist's Way has helped me with is allowing myself to take in what is lovely (#FirstWorldProblems). This wasn't completely foreign to me. I saw the Earth's beauty. I acknowledged it was there. But I can't say that I allowed it for myself.

Why didn't I? It was created for me. I had always been taught it was created for me. I believed it was created for me. How had I forgotten to allow lovely things for myself?

Self-nurturing time with Carol Tuttle
and some lovelies in a fort.

Indeed, a mantra The Artist's Way advises to its students is, "Treating myself as a precious object will make me strong" (126). But wait. Isn't life supposed to be difficult? Aren't we supposed to endure trials and hardships so we may be strong? Isn't strength something that must be earned?! Surely, it can't be a handout to those who baby themselves. It's not that simple. We're grownups. We're adults. We make the world and we say life isn't easy. And yet, "Suffer little children to come unto me...for such is the kingdom of God" (Luke 18:16). If we are building God's kingdom on Earth and living as He directs under His wisdom, would He really want us to be hard on ourselves? If we are to be kind to others and serve them and we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, then shouldn't we be kind to ourselves and love ourselves, too? Are we guilty of neglecting ourselves? The Artist's Way creator Julia Cameron shares, "Blocked creatives are often the Cinderellas of the world...Keep Cinderella but focus on giving yourself the glass slipper" (111).

There is strength in gentleness. It is in soft gentleness that we hear ourselves, that we tune in to the still small voice. There is strength in taking a moment and doing lovely things for yourself. There is strength in being kind to yourself.

No student can pass through The Artist's Way without facing this time and again. No matter what we perceive about ourselves or what we think we deserve, there is enough loveliness for us. There is enough love for us. There is enough money, opportunities, place, friends. If we are true believers of an Almighty, why would we limit His power? That power is not a pool that is being drained.

Happy National Coming Out Day! ..Am I Late?

Okay, okay. There's something that I've been going through that I haven't been completely forward about. I've dropped hints, mainly because it's been a big part of my life lately. I haven't always known how open I should be about it, as it is a private, personal journey much of the time, and it is something huge that can affect the rest of my life! However, since much of my outline for this blog will deal with this journey, I think it is probably best to give some background so we are all caught up, particularly with lingo. I feel it is finally time to come out and admit it...

...I am a student of The Artist's Way.

Ha! Some of you thought I was going to admit something else that so many have already supposed. Well, not today, sucka! I'll save that for another time..

The Artist's Way is a spiritually-based creative recovery self-help book structured as a 12-week course. It is written by Julia Cameron, an author-filmmaker-teacher who interestingly was married to film director Martin Scorsese in the 70's, even having a daughter with him. The course gains insights from Julia's own life (like, her alcoholism and drug addiction; she's been sober since 1978), as well as other artists' experiences, to teach creative unblocking in reaching higher, more constant creative potential with emphasis on God, Mind, Vishnu, Universe, Flying Spaghetti Monster, whatever spiritual electricity has been useful to you.

Arguably, even by Julia, the course is not just for artists. Businesspersons, lawyers, and other professionals have reportedly found help from the course as they have freed themselves from doubts and fears that clogged their system of operation for their profession -- their needed creativity specific to their field. We are all creative beings created by the Great Creator. We have His potential in us and are meant to use it. We are happier, more fulfilled, when we use it. Julia's view is that our creativity is inseparable from our spirituality. I couldn't agree more, having recognized and considered this previously.

God is the Great Creator, the Great Artist. Artists love artists. Why, then, would He not want to support them, despite common fallacies and negative stigma against the artist's well-being? To look to Him is to open yourself up to greater creativity and to trust. It is here that gentle but powerful changes can be expected in one's life. Creating is not to be feared. If we take care of the quantity, God will take care of the quality, even if it is just a stepping stone or breakthrough to something greater.