Am I Grown Up, Yet?

I wonder about the emphasis on the seriousness of "growing up." Some say it just means taking responsibility, but even sometimes, that isn't accepted as enough. Often, I feel as if I may have become less responsible as I've gotten older. I feel like the more I actually learn about life, the less I understand. There is so much to understand.

Then again, that suggests an endlessness of beautiful possibility.

But now they only block the sun. They rain and snow on everyone. So many things I would have done, But #clouds got in my way. I've looked at clouds from #bothsidesnow. #JoniMitchell #Utahmountains

A photo posted by Jonathan Inman (@jonathinman) on Mar 24, 2015 at 7:15pm PDT

What I have found striking about the picture above is that while it is paired with sobering lyrics that befit it, those mentioned characteristics of clouds brought with them something of magnificent beauty. So is life. Life is meant to be lived. Chances taken. Risks made. Life, itself, is a gamble. A constant state of growth and change, where the beauty is in the life that is lived, no matter how we're perceived--grown up, matured, or not.

There is value in "childlike" enthusiasm and curiosity, even if others do not always see it, or appreciate it.

Children should not have to grow up,
If they do not desire.
They should join together
To form a soprano choir.

They should create their own
Ever-youthful sports leagues
Or always study living things
With their same gust and intrigue.

They should not have to give away
Toys or things of the play matter
And always be allowed to leave
With veggies still on their platter.

They should cleave to imagination,
As though it is their life source,
For with it they can do anything,
Even pave a safari course.


Funny thing -- growing up --
For some try to do it,
But none, it seems, have been
Able to really prove it.

Mending: Freeing 'All of Me'

"Mend any mending."

This is one of the last tasks of The Artist's Way. Ultimately, it is a lifelong pursuit.

Still, just a week after I finished The Artist's Way, a huge mending occurred in storybook-like ways. A specific period of the past, in which I was emotionally, creatively, other -ly's blocked and locked up, came forward to be released. It troubled me and brought with it great anxiety, as I relived those feelings and that locking up.

As I listened to myself, and to the Spirit, I was guided on an uncanny path to self-discovery and mending. I recorded and explored my mending in my morning pages:

(October 6, 2014) "I took time to doodle it out. First came the wrappings of a gift -- the picture looked like the top of a wrapped gift. ... I was offered a gift -- the entire experience was a gift. I then was told to try to open it like it was a real gift but I couldn't grab the drawn bow. I couldn't open it, and it was frustrating and made me wanna cry. I felt like I wasn't allowed to open the gift, because I wasn't shown how. I crinkled it up and was about to throw it away, but kept it next to me. I, next, drew a worm on a hook bobbing in the water. I was fishing. I realized the gift was to go fishing. I didn't feel I was allowed to go fishing and really experiment. I was just taught methods and asked to bring what I already had. There wasn't too much exploration as to what I could potentially find or become. I don't think I was allowed the time. This was especially true for [Pokey-hontas], who just wanted results. ... I just wanted to play and experiment. ...

Left, worm in water; Right, 'All of Me'

"I drew another picture next to the worm that I realized was an abstract version of me. It showed that my emotional and creative side was huge and running over and my mental and practical side had normal potential but there wasn't much there. Sometimes the spiritual connection between the two was ignored. ... Above them was my connection with God. Anyway, I felt the picture represented all of me. The gift was fishing and finding all of me. I'd hoped for it but wasn't allowed, by myself and others, to really open it, so I put the wrapped gift over the other picture and tore the wrapping paper off, as now I can open that gift. I am free to fish for all of me and be all of me. ... To separate the all of me part from the worm, I folded the paper and it came out looking like an airplane."

When a Stranger Texts...

What do young single adults do on a nice summer's night?

Randomly text their family members, of course, from their friend's phone -- from my phone.

Not sure how it got started, but two summers ago, we decided to work together to come up with texts to people who did not have my phone number, which led us into some light fun. Enjoy!


Friend 1, Sister 1
Me: I hid the body.     9:48 p.m.
Now what?     9:49 p.m.

Her: I'm busy...you'll have to figure that out yourself     9:50 p.m.

Me: You can't be busy! We planned this together.     9:51 p.m.

--......No answer--


Friend 1, Sister 2
Me: I hid the body.     9:48 p.m.
Now what?     9:49 p.m.

Her: Oh good i never liked that parrot. so now we either meet to corroborate our story or announce it on facebook     9:59 p.m.

Me: Just post it on facebook. I hated her too. The world should celebrate with us! Did you want waffles tonight? :)     10:04 p.m.

Her: no thanks i prefer roast beef and potatoes tonight     10:22 p.m.

Me: Fine....     10:28 p.m.

Her: if i change my mind, where might i find these waffles?     10:29 p.m.

Me: Your parents place, duh! That's where we always go.     10:31 p.m.

Her: i don't know, there are no waffles here now     10:38 p.m.

Me: Wait. Who is this?     10:42 p.m.

Her: that is for me to know, and perhaps one day for you to find out...thanks for the tip off about the bird :-#     11:14 p.m.

Me: Anytime     11:15 p.m.


AND the best one:

Friend 2, Mother
Me: I hid the body.     9:48 p.m.
Now what?     9:49 p.m.

Her: Good, I'll take care of the shovel. Leave it in my back yard.     9:49 p.m.

Me: Leave the gate open. At 10 o'clock exactly flick the light 3 times.      9:54 p.m.

Her: Got it!     9:55 p.m.

Me: Its past 10 Eddy. Wheres the flicker?     10:02 p.m.

Her: Just did it. What the crap anyway? You were suppose to take care of this last week. The place has been crawling with cops.     10:03 p.m.

Me: Who is this??     10:06 p.m.

Her: Your worst nightmare;)     10:07 p.m.

Me: Sooooo....waffles?     10:08 p.m.

Her: I prefer pancakes      10:09 p.m.

Me: Bacon or sausage? Do you want eggs with that, Eddy?     10:10 p.m.

Her: Bacon. No eggs, they give me gas. You better make it good because I have been covering for your sorry butt for days. I don't forget! Ever!     10:12 p.m.

Me: I love when you talk breakfast, Eddy. It wont happen again.     10:16 p.m.

Her: Better not. Don't forget that. I have friends in very low, dark places. Don't contact me anymore. My girlfriend is getting suspicious. Got to lay low fo awhile. If Lieutenant Hansen shows up at your place tomorrow, don't be surprised.     10:20 p.m.

Me: Sorry, Eddy. I dont want to break you two up. Ill be more conspicuous next time. Ill put the hotel in my name Love you.     10:27 p.m.

Pinterest: My Image File of Desires & Dreams

Apparently, I like the beach. A LOT!

I'd love a beach house and would love to try out scuba diving and surfing.

At least, that's what I've learned from a series of tasks from The Artist's Way that begged the start of an image file of desires and dreams that spoke to me. I created my image file on Pinterest, because of the ease of the site. However, physically gathering images and displaying them in my environment would work, too; perhaps, would even be better, due to seeing the images around more often than only when visiting a website.

The argument is that as you surround yourself with images of what you want, you will more motivated to work for them. Experts recommend it to boost sales, for fitness goals, for spiritual peace, etc. And quite honestly, it works. The more I've surrounded myself by these images the more driven and motivated I am to put forth the work for them. I'd recommend it as a process for those who struggle with motivation.

But first you must know what you want! What do you want out of life? Do you know?

These exercises from The Artist's Way can help. List the very first things that come to mind. Don't overthink. Even if you don't start an image file after reading this post, I'd recommend you try this, just to gain guidance and self-alignment in your life:

• "If I had either money or faith, I would try ... List five desires."

• "List five imaginary lives" -- "If you had five other lives to lead, what would you do in each of them?" Would you be a pilot, a cowhand, a healer, a Peace Corps worker, a lawyer, a country singer?

• "If I were twenty and had money ... List five adventures."

• "If I were sixty-five and had money ... List five postponed pleasures."

• "Ten items I would like to own that I don't are ... "

The God Jar

A most useful tool The Artist's Way has given me is the God jar. I would recommend it to anyone.

My God jar

In the last week of the course, one task is to find a container to write down and put in any hopes, fears, worries, resentments, and dreams. Then, another task is to use this jar, giving those things to God. There's no need to worry about them anymore. They're in the jar. God's got it.

Interestingly, this concept was something I had been learning to more actively do, just before the start of the course. When concerns became too overwhelming, in prayer, I would literally say, "I give this to thee." In this interesting experience of faith -- energetically releasing and passing on my concerns -- I felt the stress leave my body and my spirit, with a mending power.

Sometimes, it seems silly to hold on to troubling matters, when there is access to such a release. God doesn't want us to be loaded down or fearful. That's the whole point of the Atonement -- to give our burdens to Christ. That is using the Atonement in our lives. Christ already struggled and suffered. We don't have to.

Using the God jar has brought this same power into my life as a ritual with great meaning. As I prepare to offer my written hopes and fears into the jar, I call on God and His angels to be in attendance, that they will be mindful and involved -- that God will take my cares and ease them from my body and spirit, while directing His angels to prepare the way for what I hope and dream for. Then, we commune together -- a team -- as I verbally read each worry and hope, with intent, passing on my burdens with each drop of a slip of paper. I feel their heavenly presence and am lightened from it.

Typically, for a positive spin in writing them down, I've tried to turn any fear or worry into a hope, though sometimes it has felt necessary to write them as the fears and worries they are.

The results are instantaneous. I immediately feel lighter and my body freer.

Honestly, I recommend a God jar (...not to sound like an infomercial, but...). If it sounds like something you may need to try, do it!!! The concept is probably speaking to you! You have my support and won't regret it, as you do it with full intent and remember what healing power it accesses.

I am truly grateful for The Artist's Way and the values it has brought. It has changed my life!

Male Image and Porn

I am bothered by male objectification and muscle worship. I discussed this with an intelligent, close bisexual male friend, who mentioned that male objectification is widely expressed in our society but is far more overlooked than female objectification. It's everywhere you can find female objectification, even in television commercials, such as Old Spice ads, where it's often disguised and passed off as humorous. Still, how many ladies (and gents) would step up to bang these Old Spice guys, regardless of their satire of superficial male ego? (But that's the point they're trying to make to sell their product, right? Sick).

I don't feel like male objectification is a commonly addressed issue, though I observe several women and (gay) men participating in it on a regular basis. It's taken me a while to figure why I find it upsetting, beyond my irritations with superficiality, but I feel it shamefully stifles and overshadows gifts from men that are necessary to be expressed and that we are missing out on. Indeed, though I haven't heard this specifically mentioned -- as rightfully, media portrayal, violence, and emotional vulnerability are most often discussed with perceived "manhood" -- it is a marking aspect in the ongoing conversation of remembering that feminism is not meant to be man-hating, or man-debilitating, but to be about gender equality, benefiting both men and women.

My issue with male objectification helped me understand how female objectification is upsetting to most women, not that I needed to observe this to sympathize with them. Arguably, heterosexual (and homosexual) males do it as bullies, (subconsciously) attempting to use "weaker" males as objects to impose power over. For the sake of this post, however, I want to mainly focus on sexual objectification and the ideal male, especially regarding what it means to "be a man."

Seeing Others or Porn

Are we really seeing others for what they are -- their essence, their core? Are we reading into the unseen when we meet them, when we view their photographs? Are we honestly valuing and appreciating that? Do we make righteous judgments? Or, are we falling short, for ourselves, for each other, and for society, by stepping up to announce a superficial preference?

Why I Believe the Book of Mormon is True

Apart from spiritual confirmations, as a writer I believe the Book of Mormon to be a true document and history because its organization is so stupid.

Honestly, no one would write like this if they were making this stuff up, especially not an uneducated laborer younger than me (I'm speaking of Joseph Smith, if you happen to not know of the 19th century man that brought the book forward). I just don't see it. And not in three months, which is how long it took to "translate" the document.

I don't know how many times I've read the Book of Mormon, and I have to confess: being a lifetime member of the church that uses it (The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints), I only passively paid attention to what I read, while still picking up on a lot of the spiritual nuggets. Nevertheless, I spent this last year reading it and decided to make a conscious effort to understand every bit of it. Plus, I had questions I hoped, in some way, would be answered. Most weren't. That's okay.

Anyway, this time I read the entire book on my Kindle, having recognized some self-distancing and stand-off feelings when I approach the very structured columns in the print version. My Kindle made reading feel less impersonal and rigid. Also, I approached the entire book and characters as something completely foreign to me ("Nephi who?" -- cue acting skills). In the past, having heard the story of Nephi, and several other Book of Mormon stories, a thousand times, I would often tune out, because it felt like old news. These new techniques worked and helped! Soon, I found myself more engrossed than I had ever been before, which sparked me to take notes as I read.

Okay. Enough of how I did this reading.

Most of the book is an abridgment of volumes upon volumes of history concerning the Americas prior to its modern (within the last 1000 years) discovery, compiled by a man named Mormon. His writing takes over after a long discourse and history written by Nephi, who gives the record to his brother Jacob. A few of Jacob's progenitors hop in and add their few cents -- most just saying, "Hi. I existed. I possessed the record...Um, yeah..." Then, Mormon pops in, greets us, and takes us on from there into an abridgment that covers hundreds of years, which is eventually picked up by his son Moroni.

Occasionally, Mormon and Moroni interrupt to add their own comments, each with their own style -- Mormon more short and precise/simple; Moroni more lengthy and deep/bold. However, with the abridgment, Mormon is more detailed in his account, before adding his comments to simply sum up the point of each story. Moroni, on the other hand, is incredibly brief in his storytelling. His portion of abridgment is straight-forward, with a focus on the bottom line. The two men's voices are very different, but it is possible to say that their individual situations (of war) at the time of abridging could've played into their ability and accessibility to write.

Things I'm Not Allowed #5: Saying What I Want

The final item, and the most profound, in this series was, basically, to show up at a certain person's doorstep and say something I've been wanting to say for years but never have, due to my own social fears and our lack of relationship -- like, literally, we've never spoken, yet saw each other a few times a week, even recognizing each other in our own shy ways. I took to visualizing the experience and released this, in my random-dashes way of drawing:

Pretty much, the message of this one is to say what I want to say. Sometimes, what is inside may feel meek to come out, as it may be a delicate part of me. I may build defenses -- pile on a costume, wear a facade -- to protect that precious aspect. Other times, what I feel needs to be said may seem as dangerously snappy as an alligator king (do you see his head in the drawing?), though behind, or underneath, anything I say or do that may seem blunt or harsh is a delicate, well-meaning person. But it might be needed, in order for some activities and projects (or relationships) to progress smoothly; for other views and sides to be heard, that new understanding may be reached; for everyone to be treated fairly. Or, that snappiness might be a mask for what I really am feeling, or want to say. Also, near the bottom of the picture is a fuse. I can only take so much of not being heard, before I may collapse on myself, or explode, leaving others to deal with themselves.

There is so much in this abstract picture, but this description, I think, will suffice.

Opportunities to speak up, or to introduce yourself to someone and meet them, will pass you by. Don't fear others. They're only people. Would it really hurt to follow through, if you're feeling obliged to do so? This isn't always a problem for me, as friendly and welcoming as I can be, but on occasion, I do sense resistance to saying some things I feel strongly about, especially in certain settings. It has been my nature. I will do better. And in some instances, I have.

I Listened to the 4700 Tracks on my iPod on Shuffle. Here's What I Learned:

1. My iPod is clever. It played "Wrong" by Kimberly Locke and immediately followed with "Wrong Again" by Martina McBride. Well played, iPod.

2. My iPod is sentimental/reflective. As I reflectively looked out at our swimming pool glistening in the California sun, it played the ballad version of Celine Dion's "A New Day Has Come."

3. Even though I'm an actor, I haven't really been too much into the musical theatre scene, but I've been gaining greater respect for the genre, especially for The Last Five Years and Into the Woods. I must explore these plays' themes more in-depth! Thankfully, one is out on film and the other is about to be. How's that for life synchronicity?

4. My iPod is smart. Besides these, it played into much more synchronicity with life.

5. My iPod has a vendetta against me! Every time I went running it was guaranteed to play classical music. EVERY.TIME! I'd prefer something more hard and driving to run to.

6. Also, whenever I would drive other people my age in my car, it was guaranteed to play Australian folk songs, children's songs (i.e. The Wiggles), or Disney. ..Keepin' it cool...

7. As many songs as I have, there are none that are misplaced or that shouldn't be on there. They all fit me in one way or another, and yet, there are so many more songs out there I would love to put on it.

8. I have a lot more Sheryl Crow and Mary Chapin Carpenter than I thought I did. I like that.

9. I have a lot more John Mayer, Jewel, Faith Hill, Feist, Whitney Houston, and Jo Dee Messina than I realized. ..I don't have any strong feelings about that.

10. I have a lot more Norah Jones, Celine Dion, and Sarah McLachlan than I thought. I'm not crazy about that.

Things I Am Not Allowed #4: Makin' My Movies

Number four that I listed in this series is, "Make my screenplays into movies myself," as in directing, producing, and acting. Here's what appeared:

I actually directly relied on what I've learned about doodles from Energy Profiling with this one.

Basically, I could probably do it. I possess the leadership within me to potentially do it, though it would, obviously, be an incredible learning and tutelage experience (I would definitely need collaboration on the business and technical side of things). I would often feel like a mad mess inside, but there would be such a sense of art and flow to my method that others may not always sense my immense stress level. But, hey, on a movie set, who isn't stressed out of their mind?

Scriptural Rambling: Seeking Righteous Judgments

Recently, I had an interesting understanding that I was reminded of while reading scriptures concerning judging others, that I wanted to share. I'm not directing it at anyone. I just felt like sharing.

Christ speaks about it in The New Testament:

• "Judge not, that ye be not judged. For what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged" (Matthew 7:1-2; see also Luke 6:37).
• "Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgments" (John 7:24).
• "Ye judge after the flesh; I judge no man. And yet if I judge, my judgment is true" (John 8:15-16).

However, I was reading in The Book of Mormon where Moroni says, "The Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil" (Moroni 7:16). Of course, Moroni is in the middle of discussing how to not be persuaded to take good for evil or evil for good. He is instructing on making righteous judgments -- that is, in a godly moral sense, righteousness/goodness is right, and unrighteousness/wickedness is wrong. "Wherefore, all things which are good cometh of God" (Moroni 7:12). "For...my [Christ's] Spirit...persuadeth men to do good. And whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do good is of me; for good cometh of none save it be of me. I am the same that leadeth men to all good" (Ether 4:11-12). "And whatsoever thing is good is just and true; wherefore, nothing that is good denieth the Christ, but acknowledgeth that he is" (Moroni 10:6).

Moroni continues in verse 18 of that 7th chapter: "And now, my brethren, seeing that ye know the light by which ye may judge, which light is the light of Christ, see that ye do not judge wrongfully; for with that same judgment which ye judge ye shall also be judged."

Things I Am Not Allowed #3: Concert Tour

Revisiting this series of The Artist's Way tasks, of doodling things I'm not allowed, the third I listed was, "Give a sell-out concert tour." Out popped this:

So, yeah. I agree. "Whatever, bozo," was my first reaction, as well. I considered it longer and found that to give a concert series to the caliber that I would love to do, I currently only have a very skeletal framework. I have a library of songs I have written (though tucked away, for whatever reason) and a few images in my head (though nothing matured).

There are plenty gaps to fill in, if this is to be accomplished. And of course, the biggest obstacle in doing any of this has been myself, since I've only taken passive steps toward it.

My Energy Profile: A Self-Portrait

A few days ago, I shared an overview of Carol Tuttle's Energy Profiling system. Now, time for the grand reveal of my Energy Profile:

I am a Type 1 light-hearted, animated man!

Ta-da! My Energy Profile is 1-2-4-3, exactly like my mother. I lead with a Type 1 Energy that is strongly supported by a soft, subtle Type 2 Energy, closely followed by a reflective, bold Type 4 Energy. And last is my swift, sassy Type 3 Energy (obviously). Each supporting energy has served me well, and I see that the qualities I express in those Energies still maintain a flair of my spontaneous Type 1 Energy.

Let me share some ways I express this energy combination in my life.

To be honest, I feel a bit funny writing this. It feels like it's a stream of me, me, me. But my hopes would be that you can understand how the Energy Profiling system can play into, bring insight to, and be evidenced in someone's life. Also, perhaps, you may connect with my tendencies and notice those qualities in your own expression of those Energies, or in the expression of other people.

My Art

In describing her 2014 single "Into the Blue," Kylie Minogue (Type 1) summed up the track in what is probably the best description, I would say, of a Type 1-2's tendencies and outlook on life, stating, "It's a little bit melancholy, but it's ultimately euphoric." Looking over my own art, which -- true to my random Type 1 nature -- covers many different mediums of expression, I feel I can say the same about every piece I have ever created. In fact, much of the art that personally appeals to me can receive that same description, hence my strong draw to breezy pop and bubblegum pop. I've felt my everyday internal world as a Type 1-2 movement could be demonstrated in the 2:51-3:33 segment of Owl City's "Cave In:"

Physical Features

Carol Tuttle's Energy Profiling System

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

This post is fun! We all are familiar with personality types. Well, a little over a year ago, I discovered Carol Tuttle's Energy Profiling system, a movement based assessment that takes into account behavioral tendencies, body language, physical features, feeling processes, and thought processes.

My purpose in sharing this is to start off the new year with something that may help us get to know ourselves a little better. Discovering a more "true" you may be just around the corner! Plus, it plays some into a few of my future posts, since it's taken an interesting role in my life. Most importantly for future posts, pay attention to doodles.

Energy Profiling presents the idea that everyone was born with their energy profile and that it never changes. We all were given our gifts with our energy type and will be happiest and will thrive most, with those around us, as we live true to that nature and honor others as they live true to their nature. Of course, though there are only four energy types, everyone is unique in their individual expression of their type. Also, everyone possesses all four types within them, though we all lead with one of the types. Further, the energy types express in all forms of nature, including environments and animals, and in many different aspects of life, such as music and what clothes, hairstyles, and makeup work best for someone (Carol and her team have organized an entire program for this entitled Dressing Your Truth, or DYT; its introductory book is Discover Your Personal Beauty Profile).

Another major aspect Energy Profiling accomplishes is that it disbands most behavioral qualities of gender, validating and honoring personal gifts that are often squelched by societal expectations. While society may impose a standard of what one must be in order to represent a prime example of their gender, Energy Profiling grants opportunity for everyone to live true to what is most natural to them. Many members of each sex possess qualities that society may try to discount, qualities and gifts we often miss in our world, all for the sake of shaming. Let us build, rather than tear down.

Needless to say, there is a lot to be said about energy profiling, but I'll try to be brief. You can look further into it if it peaks your interest. More can be known about it in Carol's book It's Just My Nature! and through her free ENERGY PROFILING online course.

Now, to qualify yourself as a type, there is no test, as with many personality inquiries, which results can be tainted and, therefore, not necessarily a most accurate assessment of who you truly are at your core. When you learn of the types, you intuitively will know what type you dominantly express (and what you express as your secondary, tertiary, and so forth). They are named just by numbers: Type 1, Type 2, etc.