Things I Am Not Allowed #2: Casual Sex

The second item I listed in this series was, "Sex every beautiful thing in sight." Now, I don't sit around or browse around and just wish I could bone everyone around me. But for an honest creative recovery, I should be completely honest, and in complete honesty, sometimes I have my moments, though that is not typically in the forefront of my mind when I meet people. Still, I am human. And for selecting this series, I was going for unfiltered, first to mind -- not over-thought.

So, I took to my doodling method of faith with a swish here, line there, zigzag across that. And lo and behold, before me I presented my attitude toward sex and having it with every beautiful person that crossed my path.

...Did I mention it was a fairly abstract representation? Let's browse it. Remember, this is only my attitude.

The entire picture is a stage, with curtains being drawn back and the front edge outlined at the bottom. Sex is a performance. There are aspects of showmanship and ability, even in the chase, or game of love. Some make it such a shallow thing that it is all show and loses its savor and mocks that which is honest, true, and pure.

The show in presentation is a foul freak show. In the center, there is a careless blob excreting a rancid bubble. Its works are foul and disgusting, and it doesn't give any mind to its heedless manner and stench. In the lower right is a pile of poop. You can see its odor rising from it, as with the blob and its bubble. The arrows around the pile create a cycle back into itself, that to unleash that passion for casual or easy sex and promiscuity makes it easier for acting on it again and again. And it all just comes right back into dung, with neither partner farther ahead, really. The cycling arrows also imitate a heart, as some people participate in free love in the name of that which is love, sharing and spreading love, but are self-gratification and pleasurings really love? Is it possibly a counterfeit as something less, something shallow, undeveloped, or halted? I can't remember what exactly that (phallic) figure next to the poop is, but it's happy to be there being pleased during the show's running time. Perhaps, it is temporary satisfaction.

And then, last to wind up on the page was the butterfly on the left, representing what sex deeply means to me. It's beautiful and lovely. It puts a lot on the line and has a (socially- and emotionally-) filled past that brought it to this highly developed (metamorphosed) state. And to take up or allow instances of casual sex would be to send this beautiful thing out of its more prosperous environment on a course into the degrading show in performance. It would be emotionally thrashing. Culturally, this sounds like a womanly thing to say, but according to one psychological study, the negative effects of casual sex are possibly not generally exclusive to gender. Plus, I have also talked with other men who share the same as me, despite cultural stigma (So, suck it, hosers!). Sex is too important to me. To be honest, I already knew I had this attitude toward sex, that I naturally attach a lot of emotion to it. Perhaps, that's why it came forward to be addressed, to more consciously say, "Hey! Remember, not a good idea!"

So, I thought more about what sex means to me, feeling there must be something more here I needed to realize. I found that it meant safety and security. Sexing every beautiful thing in sight would not offer that. Honest sex would be worth the wait.

*nom*nom*
You eat that Vevo logo, Ariana.

I didn't completely understand the meaning of some of the songs that came to me at first, but after hearing them and dancing with this all in mind, they were perfect! "Break Free" by Ariana Grande with Zedd helped express how sure I presently feel. I know myself and what I want and am able to speak up for myself, much more than I have in the past.

"Trip to Your Heart" by Britney Spears is a gorgeous dance ballad about basically everything emotionally encompassing in sex, like beautiful fragility, vulnerability, sensuality, and connection.

"Round & Round" by Selena Gomez & The Scene gives eye to the emotional frustrations of opening yourself up to someone who doesn't take you seriously back -- the toying with emotions of casual or easy sex. It wouldn't be so casual or easy for me. Even to deny this, there'd still be a river of emotions running underneath any facade.

Loads more songs flooded to mind, but I only took the first three to pop, due to time and interest. (Others were "My Dilemma" and "That's More Like It" by Selena Gomez & The Scene; "If Only," "Fragile," "Looking for an Angel," and "Get Outta My Way" by Kylie Minogue; "Nasty" and "Contol" by Janet Jackson; and more. Having so many songs race to mind was another reassurance of how important this topic must be to me. Seemingly, I had already linked and connected a lot of music to the subject; even unintentionally, perhaps)

Sex, love, and romance are often topics that arise for me, I find. I place a lot of hope in them and constantly find myself shifting attitudes and overcoming fallacies...