I don't feel like male objectification is a commonly addressed issue, though I observe several women and (gay) men participating in it on a regular basis. It's taken me a while to figure why I find it upsetting, beyond my irritations with superficiality, but I feel it shamefully stifles and overshadows gifts from men that are necessary to be expressed and that we are missing out on. Indeed, though I haven't heard this specifically mentioned -- as rightfully, media portrayal, violence, and emotional vulnerability are most often discussed with perceived "manhood" -- it is a marking aspect in the ongoing conversation of remembering that feminism is not meant to be man-hating, or man-debilitating, but to be about gender equality, benefiting both men and women.
My issue with male objectification helped me understand how female objectification is upsetting to most women, not that I needed to observe this to sympathize with them. Arguably, heterosexual (and homosexual) males do it as bullies, (subconsciously) attempting to use "weaker" males as objects to impose power over. For the sake of this post, however, I want to mainly focus on sexual objectification and the ideal male, especially regarding what it means to "be a man."
Seeing Others or Porn
Are we really seeing others for what they are -- their essence, their core? Are we reading into the unseen when we meet them, when we view their photographs? Are we honestly valuing and appreciating that? Do we make righteous judgments? Or, are we falling short, for ourselves, for each other, and for society, by stepping up to announce a superficial preference?
It brings me back to peeking in neighboring girls' lockers in high school, to see pinups of male models and boy bands. And now, I've noticed some of my female (and male) friends following what are basically male pinups on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, and elsewhere, as well as using pictures of these men for screensavers and backgrounds. I've even witnessed women show a group of male peers a magazine of men in tuxedos and suits, stating men dressed like that are porn for women. Then, the pages after that were men in teeny swimsuits on a beach that the women also enjoyed gawking at. So, dressed up or stripped down, men can be seen as objects much like women. I'd admit, though, women are stripped down more often than men.
But why would I want to be porn? Why do we want to be porn? What true fulfillment, as a society, are we getting from showing off our bodies as objects to be lusted after?
True, I think we'd all like to be physically attractive to our partner. But wouldn't we like to think there was more to us than that, and that those qualities would play into our partner's emotionally-sexual attraction?
There is nothing wrong with admiring beauty or having reasonable preferences for what spouse you are looking for, but when moments are taken to lustfully desire "pinups," and what else, and to be fed these images, it perpetuates ideals that not everyone fits. In that, we lose and stifle, even overlook, the natural gifts of others who think they must measure up to something that there is no sense in comparing them to, in the first place.
"Ideal" Male
Many of the men projected in such "porn" displays become figures of stoic strength, as is often portrayed as a male ideal. In a way, I suppose, men, even heterosexual, can receive some of the blame, when certain external markers, physical and behavioral, are perpetuated as symbols of ideal masculinity. Even men not completely expressing those ideal markers buy into this. I find this strange, when, since my elementary school days, the attempted message to spread was that what is important is the unseen, or what is inside, suggesting endless possibilities of what is IDEAL! What, then, would it matter what ideal markers one expresses with regard to their level of "manhood?"
Why should that standard change when a boy reaches maturity? For sex? Because a boy now has reproductive capabilities, just as all the other billions of males with functioning testicles? Why must others act like they must offer boys a "man card," but only after they've proven themselves worthy of it by fitting a certain image, so that they might be a part of "guy stuff" (perhaps, I'm looking at fathers and high school coaches mostly with this one--at least, that's who first comes to mind)? Psh. Bull! That teaches nothing besides, "Do this, or be rejected!" (This same goes with women and their "ideal" markers).
Now, I understand that cultural ideals of being a "man" changes from society to society through history, though it's also passed on from generation to generation. Perhaps, "being a man" should just be about being responsibly, productively true to yourself than following a popular ideal, or image. While, yes, part of the "be a man" code is to be honorable, responsible, and productive, I know many women who are those qualities, few of which, if any, were indoctrinated into "manhood." Surely, there are other methods of teaching young men to aspire to those values than pushing mere signifiers of "manhood." To me, breaking or tearing someone down to press them into taking on signifiers and markers sounds dishonorable and irresponsible, which would, then, be breaking the "manhood" code. Perhaps, those men who do that are the ones we should be revoking "man cards" from.
Our Own Natures
We are all, individually, made of natural gifts necessary for our world, even if they are different from what we're told our demographic should be.1 Why should society tell us what a prime representation of our gender should be? For the sake of shaming? Why are we squelching each other's gifts? We are only hurting ourselves! Let us build, rather than tear down!
This is mentioned in the Energy Profiling system, created by energy therapist Carol Tuttle (see It's Just My Nature! or her free online course concerning the system). Carol remarks that in nature there are no comparisons or judgments. There is just expression. We don't look at rabbits or dolphins and tell them they are silly and need to grow up. We don't compare an aspen to a sequoia and ask the aspen when it's going to catch up with a sequoia's majestic nature, nor are we disappointed to find that not either of these trees are as fluid and flowing as a willow. We don't go to the Grand Canyon and say, "Man, this place is looking old. Look at all these wrinkles." And neither do any creations look at one another and wish they had the other's attributes. They fulfill the level of their creation. Likewise, we appreciate all aspects of nature for the qualities and gifts they each bring. And likewise, we as humans have come here with our natures and gifts and should appreciate and support each other, and ourselves, for that which we came here to be -- not one of us more prime than the other! We are all prime!
Muscle Worship
I am also very disturbed by muscle worship. I don't think muscles are bad. I'm all for being fit! I love being active and able to do what I'd like my body to do, feeling capable and aware in my body. I understand that some have professional reasons to have strong bodies, beyond health goals and personal satisfaction. But not all of us have the time to work out for hours upon end every day, and neither should we feel pressured to do that if we don't have to.
There are many more things we can do with our time to share our gifts with the world and with ourselves -- activities and services that will be much more deeply appreciated than to ensure a six-pack, or that one's arms are as big as their head. Honestly, in the big scheme of things, what profound greatness are those physical goals really serving? But, hey, if you do work out and happen to achieve that physique, good on ya.
Also, our bodies don't all respond the same to physical activity, so again, comparisons here seem pointless. We ought to respectfully appreciate our bodies and each other's bodies naturally expressing themselves in the results of physical exertion.
As For My Soft Self
I heard "be a man"-like comments growing up, upon occasion, but rolled my eyes at all of them. Such a thing was never heard in my home -- acceptance and fair treatment was the attempt in my family -- so those remarks felt scoff-worthy, when I was just me. I already was a man/male.
In all, it's true that my nature possesses lightly playful and emotional approaches to life, followed by that which is analytical and then practical -- an opposite sequence to what is perpetuated as male ideals. Off-putting for some, due to cultural standard. Yet, regarded by others as a precious rarity that, in meeting other men, some who feign an obvious overcompensating gruffness,2 I don't really think is rare. I think it is just not widely encouraged.
So, why do we perpetuate ideal sexual masculinity (and femininity)? "Sex sells," but why do we, in foolery, buy into it and display it around us as an image file of what we want out of life, all while giving the message to others, even unintentionally, that they better fit and measure to that image or else they may not be good enough? In turn, why do we promote social ideals (of "manhood") that skimp on fully giving us all the possible gifts of others -- gifts we may not even know exist, because we keep squelching them? Is this really the narrative we want for our society and for our individual lives?
Why are we chasing superficial images?
Real people are around us -- real people of incredible differences and individuality that are waiting for us to accept and appreciate them for them. Are we seeing them? Or, are we superficially glorifying something, in a falling-short, that isn't real, complete, or truly serving us?
***Honestly, I don't feel like I am fully qualified as a social critic to discuss this subject in the length that it deserves, but this was my go. I suppose, my intentions are more to hopefully start discussion, rather than be the voice of a discussion. Or, to just be heard.***
1Religiously speaking, I believe ours is an intelligent god. He knows what He's doing. He created our world with the perfect position from the Sun, with the perfect elements to come together, to permit and sustain life. He seems like One who would wisely send people here at the most correct time for them. They, in honoring their true nature and being taught and accepting true responsibility, acceptance, and love, would all easily be able to find proper place and productivity for themselves, if allowed. They don't, necessarily, need to be pushed into what others think they ought to do. However, at times, in our imperfect societies, loving, sincere encouragement and guidance are often necessary.
2An Example of Missing Gifts
In college, I became friends with a guy whom several people knew as a jerk. On the surface, he was -- in his rudely sarcastic, under-enthused humor and as he strolled everywhere with a scowl. This never read right to me, and I could tell that several professors and a few of my peers, typically male, weren't buying this act, either. I always remained curious and friendly towards him, which occasionally gave me glimpses of a softer character.
Eventually, at my suggestion of his participation, we spent an entire day together as part of a student project. I'm not sure if he saw my recommendation of him as a gesture of acceptance, but through that day and the rest of our time at our university, he demonstrated a much more gentle attitude toward me than what I saw him perform toward most others -- like, startlingly gentle; I've seen gentle, but this sense of it was incredible.
A few months following that day, he married, and I heard female peers comment that he is now "a nice man. Love has done that guy good." I'm sure that came from receiving acceptance for his true self by the prominent female in his life (I saw them together as a couple, with him displaying a naturally fluid, genteel manner that she acted like was comfortably normal to receive from him).
Still, in privacy of just him and me, he would show gentle concern until someone else came around. Then, he'd returned to his overly gruff self.
In my last few days of college, a female friend passionately expressed her frustration with this guy and the rough comments he always made to her, and had just made. She was completely confused at how he married his sweet wife and even felt sorry for his wife. I laughed and told her how much of a wall, mask, and shield I saw it as and that he actually demonstrated the most gentle qualities of anyone I'd met on that campus. We were at Brigham Young University. The Mormon melting pot! If there was a university to find gentle, sweet, nurturing people, this was the place! Yet, I felt like this grimacing, grouchy oaf was capable of expressing the most genuine gentleness. My female friend had a light-bulb moment as she noticed these striking contradictions, though she remained immediately upset and frustrated with him.
I do not know what, specifically, in life caused him to decide he needed to push a more stern, cutting persona. At times, I found it aggravating, knowing how uplifting and encouraging of a person he could be. Somewhere along the way, for whatever reason, he did not feel like it was appropriate to allow softer qualities. Are we perpetuating habits like this by pushing male ideals, as he behaved in a manner I've often noticed in others trying to prove their manhood -- to prove the qualities that would make them "a man?"
Thank you Just thank you. Yes. Agreed.
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