Am I Grown Up, Yet?

I wonder about the emphasis on the seriousness of "growing up." Some say it just means taking responsibility, but even sometimes, that isn't accepted as enough. Often, I feel as if I may have become less responsible as I've gotten older. I feel like the more I actually learn about life, the less I understand. There is so much to understand.

Then again, that suggests an endlessness of beautiful possibility.

But now they only block the sun. They rain and snow on everyone. So many things I would have done, But #clouds got in my way. I've looked at clouds from #bothsidesnow. #JoniMitchell #Utahmountains

A photo posted by Jonathan Inman (@jonathinman) on Mar 24, 2015 at 7:15pm PDT

What I have found striking about the picture above is that while it is paired with sobering lyrics that befit it, those mentioned characteristics of clouds brought with them something of magnificent beauty. So is life. Life is meant to be lived. Chances taken. Risks made. Life, itself, is a gamble. A constant state of growth and change, where the beauty is in the life that is lived, no matter how we're perceived--grown up, matured, or not.

There is value in "childlike" enthusiasm and curiosity, even if others do not always see it, or appreciate it.

Children should not have to grow up,
If they do not desire.
They should join together
To form a soprano choir.

They should create their own
Ever-youthful sports leagues
Or always study living things
With their same gust and intrigue.

They should not have to give away
Toys or things of the play matter
And always be allowed to leave
With veggies still on their platter.

They should cleave to imagination,
As though it is their life source,
For with it they can do anything,
Even pave a safari course.


Funny thing -- growing up --
For some try to do it,
But none, it seems, have been
Able to really prove it.

Mending: Freeing 'All of Me'

"Mend any mending."

This is one of the last tasks of The Artist's Way. Ultimately, it is a lifelong pursuit.

Still, just a week after I finished The Artist's Way, a huge mending occurred in storybook-like ways. A specific period of the past, in which I was emotionally, creatively, other -ly's blocked and locked up, came forward to be released. It troubled me and brought with it great anxiety, as I relived those feelings and that locking up.

As I listened to myself, and to the Spirit, I was guided on an uncanny path to self-discovery and mending. I recorded and explored my mending in my morning pages:

(October 6, 2014) "I took time to doodle it out. First came the wrappings of a gift -- the picture looked like the top of a wrapped gift. ... I was offered a gift -- the entire experience was a gift. I then was told to try to open it like it was a real gift but I couldn't grab the drawn bow. I couldn't open it, and it was frustrating and made me wanna cry. I felt like I wasn't allowed to open the gift, because I wasn't shown how. I crinkled it up and was about to throw it away, but kept it next to me. I, next, drew a worm on a hook bobbing in the water. I was fishing. I realized the gift was to go fishing. I didn't feel I was allowed to go fishing and really experiment. I was just taught methods and asked to bring what I already had. There wasn't too much exploration as to what I could potentially find or become. I don't think I was allowed the time. This was especially true for [Pokey-hontas], who just wanted results. ... I just wanted to play and experiment. ...

Left, worm in water; Right, 'All of Me'

"I drew another picture next to the worm that I realized was an abstract version of me. It showed that my emotional and creative side was huge and running over and my mental and practical side had normal potential but there wasn't much there. Sometimes the spiritual connection between the two was ignored. ... Above them was my connection with God. Anyway, I felt the picture represented all of me. The gift was fishing and finding all of me. I'd hoped for it but wasn't allowed, by myself and others, to really open it, so I put the wrapped gift over the other picture and tore the wrapping paper off, as now I can open that gift. I am free to fish for all of me and be all of me. ... To separate the all of me part from the worm, I folded the paper and it came out looking like an airplane."

When a Stranger Texts...

What do young single adults do on a nice summer's night?

Randomly text their family members, of course, from their friend's phone -- from my phone.

Not sure how it got started, but two summers ago, we decided to work together to come up with texts to people who did not have my phone number, which led us into some light fun. Enjoy!


Friend 1, Sister 1
Me: I hid the body.     9:48 p.m.
Now what?     9:49 p.m.

Her: I'm busy...you'll have to figure that out yourself     9:50 p.m.

Me: You can't be busy! We planned this together.     9:51 p.m.

--......No answer--


Friend 1, Sister 2
Me: I hid the body.     9:48 p.m.
Now what?     9:49 p.m.

Her: Oh good i never liked that parrot. so now we either meet to corroborate our story or announce it on facebook     9:59 p.m.

Me: Just post it on facebook. I hated her too. The world should celebrate with us! Did you want waffles tonight? :)     10:04 p.m.

Her: no thanks i prefer roast beef and potatoes tonight     10:22 p.m.

Me: Fine....     10:28 p.m.

Her: if i change my mind, where might i find these waffles?     10:29 p.m.

Me: Your parents place, duh! That's where we always go.     10:31 p.m.

Her: i don't know, there are no waffles here now     10:38 p.m.

Me: Wait. Who is this?     10:42 p.m.

Her: that is for me to know, and perhaps one day for you to find out...thanks for the tip off about the bird :-#     11:14 p.m.

Me: Anytime     11:15 p.m.


AND the best one:

Friend 2, Mother
Me: I hid the body.     9:48 p.m.
Now what?     9:49 p.m.

Her: Good, I'll take care of the shovel. Leave it in my back yard.     9:49 p.m.

Me: Leave the gate open. At 10 o'clock exactly flick the light 3 times.      9:54 p.m.

Her: Got it!     9:55 p.m.

Me: Its past 10 Eddy. Wheres the flicker?     10:02 p.m.

Her: Just did it. What the crap anyway? You were suppose to take care of this last week. The place has been crawling with cops.     10:03 p.m.

Me: Who is this??     10:06 p.m.

Her: Your worst nightmare;)     10:07 p.m.

Me: Sooooo....waffles?     10:08 p.m.

Her: I prefer pancakes      10:09 p.m.

Me: Bacon or sausage? Do you want eggs with that, Eddy?     10:10 p.m.

Her: Bacon. No eggs, they give me gas. You better make it good because I have been covering for your sorry butt for days. I don't forget! Ever!     10:12 p.m.

Me: I love when you talk breakfast, Eddy. It wont happen again.     10:16 p.m.

Her: Better not. Don't forget that. I have friends in very low, dark places. Don't contact me anymore. My girlfriend is getting suspicious. Got to lay low fo awhile. If Lieutenant Hansen shows up at your place tomorrow, don't be surprised.     10:20 p.m.

Me: Sorry, Eddy. I dont want to break you two up. Ill be more conspicuous next time. Ill put the hotel in my name Love you.     10:27 p.m.

Pinterest: My Image File of Desires & Dreams

Apparently, I like the beach. A LOT!

I'd love a beach house and would love to try out scuba diving and surfing.

At least, that's what I've learned from a series of tasks from The Artist's Way that begged the start of an image file of desires and dreams that spoke to me. I created my image file on Pinterest, because of the ease of the site. However, physically gathering images and displaying them in my environment would work, too; perhaps, would even be better, due to seeing the images around more often than only when visiting a website.

The argument is that as you surround yourself with images of what you want, you will more motivated to work for them. Experts recommend it to boost sales, for fitness goals, for spiritual peace, etc. And quite honestly, it works. The more I've surrounded myself by these images the more driven and motivated I am to put forth the work for them. I'd recommend it as a process for those who struggle with motivation.

But first you must know what you want! What do you want out of life? Do you know?

These exercises from The Artist's Way can help. List the very first things that come to mind. Don't overthink. Even if you don't start an image file after reading this post, I'd recommend you try this, just to gain guidance and self-alignment in your life:

• "If I had either money or faith, I would try ... List five desires."

• "List five imaginary lives" -- "If you had five other lives to lead, what would you do in each of them?" Would you be a pilot, a cowhand, a healer, a Peace Corps worker, a lawyer, a country singer?

• "If I were twenty and had money ... List five adventures."

• "If I were sixty-five and had money ... List five postponed pleasures."

• "Ten items I would like to own that I don't are ... "

The God Jar

A most useful tool The Artist's Way has given me is the God jar. I would recommend it to anyone.

My God jar

In the last week of the course, one task is to find a container to write down and put in any hopes, fears, worries, resentments, and dreams. Then, another task is to use this jar, giving those things to God. There's no need to worry about them anymore. They're in the jar. God's got it.

Interestingly, this concept was something I had been learning to more actively do, just before the start of the course. When concerns became too overwhelming, in prayer, I would literally say, "I give this to thee." In this interesting experience of faith -- energetically releasing and passing on my concerns -- I felt the stress leave my body and my spirit, with a mending power.

Sometimes, it seems silly to hold on to troubling matters, when there is access to such a release. God doesn't want us to be loaded down or fearful. That's the whole point of the Atonement -- to give our burdens to Christ. That is using the Atonement in our lives. Christ already struggled and suffered. We don't have to.

Using the God jar has brought this same power into my life as a ritual with great meaning. As I prepare to offer my written hopes and fears into the jar, I call on God and His angels to be in attendance, that they will be mindful and involved -- that God will take my cares and ease them from my body and spirit, while directing His angels to prepare the way for what I hope and dream for. Then, we commune together -- a team -- as I verbally read each worry and hope, with intent, passing on my burdens with each drop of a slip of paper. I feel their heavenly presence and am lightened from it.

Typically, for a positive spin in writing them down, I've tried to turn any fear or worry into a hope, though sometimes it has felt necessary to write them as the fears and worries they are.

The results are instantaneous. I immediately feel lighter and my body freer.

Honestly, I recommend a God jar (...not to sound like an infomercial, but...). If it sounds like something you may need to try, do it!!! The concept is probably speaking to you! You have my support and won't regret it, as you do it with full intent and remember what healing power it accesses.

I am truly grateful for The Artist's Way and the values it has brought. It has changed my life!